


Lovey-Dovey Prattles of an Underground Doctor

by UmiHinode



Series: The Story is Eternal [3]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Development, Character Study, F/M, Family, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-04-23 23:35:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14343330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmiHinode/pseuds/UmiHinode
Summary: It was strange how he attracted so many people when he only ever had eyes for one.---Can be read as a stand-alone, though probably best enjoyed with the series as a whole.





	Lovey-Dovey Prattles of an Underground Doctor

Kishitani Shinra had spent far too much of his life wishing for his two best friends to get along.

In the beginning, it had been hopeless. In less than a minute, Heiwajima Shizuo and Orihara Izaya had taught themselves how to hate each other, and he could be the one to take the blame. He wasn't a meddler; at least, not in the way Izaya was. He was no stranger to pulling the strings here and there to get what he wanted, though more often than not, he was the one getting his strings pulled. After this incident, Shinra would become nothing more than a puppet, and he was completely okay with this. He would have no role in the relationship between the two of them; he would simply stand on the sidelines and assist either, or both, when necessary.

After all, at that point, he had spent eleven years believing that he needed nothing more than the company of a mystical Dullahan by the name of Celty Sturluson. He would continue to believe this for years, and he had no reason to desire otherwise. After twenty years, Celty had accepted his selfish love, and after twenty-three, Shinra's lifelong dream of marrying her had finally come true. He couldn't have been happier.

However, somewhere between those two milestones, something had changed.

Two months following Izaya's disappearance, Shizuo visited him, marking their first meeting since Shizuo had flung him into the air after his beloved, acting on his selfish whims once again.

_"Hey, Shinra."_

_"What is it?"_

_"Have you… heard from Izaya at all?"_

_"Orihara-kun?"_  He echoed, struggling to make sense of it all. He couldn't even bring himself to joke about it.  _"I haven't."_

_"Do you think he's…"_

_"Who knows?"_  He had replied with a forlorn smile.

When he was fifteen, he had confidently told Izaya that if either he or Shizuo killed the other, he would simply have one less friend. Then, it didn't matter to him. It couldn't. Shizuo and Izaya were disposable, after all. Going by his own logic, he had no reason to care about what happened to either of them. He could simply keep up appearances as a supportive friend to please the one he truly loved. He had been blinded by his love for Celty to the point that no one else belonged in his life.

No one else belonged, yet he found himself drawing others to him. Naturally, one of these others was Izaya.

In a way, Shinra and Izaya were two sides of the same coin. They were all talk, yet it was as if no words were spoken. They kept their distance, even from each other, per Izaya's unspoken request. It hadn't taken a young Shinra long at all to unravel Izaya's web of lies and see the fragile soul hidden beneath it all. He reasoned he might have been the only person ever able to do so. After all, he could understand him. Neither were willing to step outside of their comfort zone and abandon the only love they allowed themselves to have.

Shinra had Celty, and Izaya had all of humanity.

That is, until someone in particular became more than just another human.

"Well, I'm happy things finally worked out for you," Shinra said, smiling at his friend from across the table. The image of it all was strange for the two of them, as they sat alone in a rather deserted cafe, absentmindedly dawdling and downing far too much coffee. It was a rare sight, to see the two both abandoned by their lovers, leaving them to find solace in one another. It was strange, but it was almost reminiscent of how things had been before, when it had just been the two of them all those years ago.

Izaya seemed to roll his eyes at Shinra's sentiment, prompting him to continue. "I'll admit, I felt a little guilty back in the day."

His words would have cut like a knife for anyone else, but Izaya wasn't anyone. If Shinra knew anything about Orihara Izaya, it was that one of his hobbies was messing with Shinra above anyone else. Save for Shizuo. Granted, more of his sly remarks seemed geared at Shinra these days, not that it hadn't always been that way.

"What do you mean?"

He also knew all too well that Izaya was far too stubborn. He might have become somewhat of a masochist when it came to being reminded of his mistakes, but not when it involved Shinra. The direction Shinra was steering this conversation in was surely ripping Izaya apart, and Shinra was enjoying every second of it.

Without a hint of remorse, he plainly replied, "Well, you were head over heels for me, weren't you?"

Kindness wasn't one of Shinra's virtues. If Celty was yin and he was yang, she was kind and he was not.

"Don't flatter yourself," Izaya replied bluntly, though still desperately clinging to the facade he didn't have to maintain, not around Shinra. They both knew it was pointless to keep up appearances. Their twisted, one-sided relationship was their precious secret, one of many, that should have been left behind, but Shinra reasoned it was his job to become the bully in Izaya's days of attempted reformation. Almost every word that came out of his mouth was fatal, he had come to realize. He might have felt some sort of pity seeing as Izaya was genuinely trying to become better - hell, he had planned his and Celty's wedding, of all things - but in a way, it was payback.

The two of them had grown considerably since they had first met, but both were petty children at heart.

"You don't have to play dumb with me, Izaya-kun." Gray eyes met carmine, and the mischievous glint in Shinra's was unmistakable as he added insult to injury. Izaya's expression screamed,  _Damn you,_ though he simply laughed.

"I really wish you'd go back to calling me Orihara-kun."

"Liar."

With a frown, Izaya shot back, "You are aware that I don't have feelings for you, right?"

"Not anymore, yes," Shinra said, clearly pleased. "That doesn't change anything."

He was right. No matter how much either of them wanted to change the past, the fact still stood: Orihara Izaya had fallen for Kishitani Shinra. Izaya could proclaim that every kiss between them was nothing more than a test, and though Shinra could act oblivious, he wasn't stupid. Fortunately, it hadn't lasted long, and was back in the past.

Mostly.

Izaya's phone buzzed, garnering the attention of the duo as he checked his messages. Without looking up he said with a hint of a smile, "It's Shizu-chan. Go figure."

"Well, I'll let you run on back to him," Shinra sighed, collapsing against the back of his chair. (The two had a certain flair for dramatics as well.)

Izaya met his gaze over his phone. "Actually, I think I'll stay with you a little longer."

"Really?" Shinra asked, not so much as a question but as an intrigued comment.

He had always been fond of Izaya, but he quite liked the person he was becoming.

. . .

No matter how much he cared for Izaya, or anyone for that matter, no one could overcome Shinra's love for Celty. Even after all this time, Shinra was still entranced by her in the exact same way he had been that fateful day. She was an ethereal goddess who could run the world, yet she found her peace in the comfy, cozy apartment the two of them had shared for so long. Shinra never failed to step back and admire just how amazing the woman he could call his wife was, inside and out.

Celty had been lying on the couch when he returned, and she had immediately sat up upon seeing him, enthusiastically typing away on her PDA. Unfortunately for her, he was stuck in a trance for a moment, and it took her shadows reaching out to pinch his cheek to bring him back to reality.

"Ah, sorry. You're just so beautiful that I can't help but get distracted."

Celty's shoulders sagged as she typed a response. [You're so sappy.]

Shinra grinned as he took a seat beside her, leaving enough space between them for their hands to touch. "I won't apologize, you know."

Celty appeared to shake the head she didn't have in disappointment, though despite this, she leaned against him, resting her neck against his shoulder. Shinra responded by wrapping an arm around her, seemingly innocently, though it didn't take long for him to attempt to reach for her chest. If she could frown, she certainly would have, though she instead wrapped her shadows around him, poking and prodding at him. He yelped in protest and quickly returned his arm to his side, pouting like a child. [Patience is a virtue.]

With a weak chuckle, he responded. "Sorry, Celty."

[So, how was Izaya?]

"He was certainly Izaya."

The disappointment radiating from Celty was unmistakable.

"He might have a bit of a wounded ego right about now, but he's doing alright," Shinra replied seriously, adjusting his crooked glasses following Celty's assault. "It's kind of cute how he gets so lonely so easily."

Celty shivered beside him, and with shaky hands typed her reply. [Please never call anything about him cute ever again.]

"Got it," Shinra laughed. "How about this...how was the job?"

[Don't even get me started. I need to relax for a bit.]

Shinra's eyes glinted at that, and Celty instantly began typing again. He braced for a lecture, though instead he got, [You're hopeless.]

"You love that about me though, don't you?"

[Yeah, I guess I do.]

Much to his surprise, Celty was the one to take him by the hand.

. . .

He couldn't sleep that night. No matter how many times he tossed and turned, he just couldn't allow his mind to fade away. Not that he was complaining. He had given up on flipping sides every few seconds, resting on his shoulder so that he could face a slumbering Celty. The smoke flowing from her neck was slow; soft like her breathing, signaling sweet dreams, Shinra hoped. She had been plagued by nightmares lately, which was strange. Before, all of her nightmares had been about her head, but she had given up on pursuing it, deciding that she could be happy with the memories she had made in Ikebukuro. Shinra hadn't pried, but he had to wonder just what was on her mind. After all, his purpose in life was supporting her with everything he had.

For now, he could simply gaze at her in all her glory, her pale skin glowing in the faint moonlight. He traced the curves of her body visible from underneath the sheets in his mind, desperately wanting to hold her close. Perhaps he was hopeless.

After some time, Celty stirred beside him and upon noticing he was still awake, she propped herself up on her shoulder, reaching for her PDA. She began to type rather sluggishly considering she had just woken up, and her smoke flowed slowly, softly. She was just so cute sometimes, Shinra mused to himself.

[Can't sleep?]

Shinra had to squint to read, far too lazy to reach for his glasses. With a shrug, he replied, "I don't know why. I just can't."

[Me either.]

"Well..." Shinra began. "I have been a little worried about you."

Celty's fingers hovered over the keypad as she attempted to formulate a response. [Worried? Why?]

"I've been worried about your nightmares."

The smoke from her neck flowed in a pattern that signaled her embarrassment; it became thicker and flowed faster than normal, though it wasn't out of control like when she was truly ashamed. In a way, this was a simple blush. She took a lot longer to respond than she should have, and Shinra raised his brows, questioning the truth of her statement. [They're nothing. I'm fine.]

"You know you can talk to me, Celty." His tone was gentle as he spoke, and it was enough to make Celty's smoke more erratic, bursting to form a small heart in the darkness. The covers, along with her PDA, fell as she reached out for him without warning, pulling him into an embrace. Shinra imagined what it would have been like to be able to hear her heartbeat, to feel her warmth. For now, all was silent, and she was so cold, so unlike herself.

He didn't need to be able to read to understand her feelings.

_Just let me stay here. Please._

Without a word, he accepted her embrace, holding her close. It took some time for Celty to pull away, and when she did, she reached for her PDA, holding it out for him to see.

[I love you.]

With a warm smile, Shinra replied, "I love you, too." He leaned in once more, pressing a kiss to her neck before shifting his weight, wrapping his arms around her and lying down on his back, pulling her down with him. Celty rested her neck against his chest, the smoke coming from the gaping hole slow once more.

Neither awoke again until late that morning.

. . .

They had changed a lot in the past few years.

When he had first asked Celty to marry him, it was perhaps the most selfish thing he had ever done. He claimed for it all to be for Celty's sake, to make her happy, to make her proud, when it was nothing more than an empty lie. He kept her head away from her for so long simply because he thought she was better off without it. Celty's sole purpose in life had become searching for her head, and he had taken it away from her. The first time he had proposed, the night of the first Dollars meeting, he did it because he had wanted her to give up. He had wanted her to accept who she was now; not for her own sake, but for his. It had been all about him.

She had accepted this. So had he.

After all, he hadn't changed a bit since they had first met. Shinra was eager to please, and so he hung on Celty's every word, doing as much as he could to keep her mind at ease. He started a club, he made a friend, he protected said friend because he thought Celty would approve; everything he did was, in his mind, for his love, but everyone, especially Celty, could see that it was the exact opposite.

Kishitani Shinra was a selfish man, yet she still loved him. She was perhaps the kindest soul Ikebukuro would ever see.

So when she broke down, everything surrounding her and Shinra shattered.

They were on vacation in America when it had happened. Darkness exploded from Celty's neck, rapidly flooding their hotel room, creeping towards Shinra, forcing him to keep his back against the wall with nowhere to run. He could feel the anger, the hatred in the darkness. It was something he hadn't been able to sense since the night everything had changed, since he had been kidnapped by Kujiragi Kasane, since Celty manifested into nothing more than a shadow, since he severed the link between her head and her body for the final time. Celty was undeniably horrifying when she was angry. He knew in that moment that he couldn't apologize for a thing. He couldn't make any excuses.

_Why? Why do you have to only care about me? Why do you do these things for me?_

Her words seeped out from her shadows, surrounding Shinra and trapping him further. She didn't have to type; he could hear her loud and clear.

_Why are you so horrible, Shinra?_

She hadn't said a thing after that. It took her a moment, but when she realized just what she had done, she collapsed to the ground. Her shadows retreated, wrapping around her and creating a shadow cocoon that, this time, locked Shinra out.

With a pitiful smile, Shinra approached her, sitting down on his knees in front of the cocoon. "You're right. I am horrible."

Celty was silent.

"I won't apologize for anything, because that's not fair to you," Shinra continued, firm yet soft.

To think that this had been prompted by him talking about Izaya. Izaya, who Celty, of all people, should have agreed with his sentiment towards. She wouldn't go as far to say that she hated him, but she wasn't subtle about her distaste for the man. Yet, when it came down to there being a possibility that Izaya was dead, she had snapped. Who knew how many times Shinra had gotten away with slandering Izaya until that moment. Perhaps she had been holding it in. She wasn't the type to lash out, after all. It was only when she was under intense stress that she did so. Shinra had to wonder just what else was weighing down on her mind to make her like this.

After a moment of silence, he asked, "This isn't about Orihara-kun, is it?" It was a stupid question. He already knew the answer.

Evidently Celty's voice had faded, and she had to result to forming words with her shadows.  _Of course not, you idiot._

"What should I say, Celty?" He responded, crestfallen. "I want to say that I'll change for you, because I truly want to, but I suppose that just sounds like a lie, doesn't it?"

Celty hesitated.  _Kind of._

With a chuckle, Shinra said, "Thanks for being honest."

_I just want you to care._ Celty began, clearly struggling to piece together her thoughts as the letters moved around, some disappearing entirely before the sentence was formed.  _I want you to care about people other than me. I want you to care about yourself._

"Care about myself?" He could have laughed.

_This isn't healthy, Shinra._

"I really don't need anyone other than you, Celty. Not even myself," Shinra pressed on with a forced smile. "I'm okay with this."

_You can't live like this._

The shadows that formed the cocoon cracked, disappearing into the air and revealing a pained Celty, her neck facing the ground as she too sat on her knees. She couldn't face Shinra.

He almost reached out for her, but he couldn't.

_I think we need some time apart. I'm sorry._

And so, the Headless Rider had disappeared, and Shinra returned to Ikebukuro alone the following day.

. . .

It was so strange, being in the apartment without Celty there. He could barely remember the time before she had begun living with him and his father, and with that he realized that he had never truly been alone until that moment. He had always had Celty, and without her, he was absolutely nothing.

He laughed, laughed, laughed.

He didn't cry. He wouldn't allow himself to. Instead, he stared up at the ceiling, wondering something he couldn't quite answer, and he didn't feel that he ever could.

_Who am I?_

It was a valid question: who was he without Celty? She was his everything, the reason he was still standing. Now, he couldn't help but crumble.

Shizuo beginning to reach out to him was perhaps both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, he had someone he could talk to, though on the other, he was a constant reminder of what had transpired between him and Celty, simply because of Izaya.

He had killed him. At least, it was a possibility. Shizuo had killed his only other friend, and though he had told himself that he wouldn't care, he had to. For years, "best friend" had been nothing more than a title for Izaya and Shizuo. He was close to them, yet not. The friendships the three of them shared was full of complications, hypocrisy, and strained emotions. It wasn't healthy, either, but it was all he had.

Slowly, he learned to become a friend for Shizuo. He owed him that much. And so, on Shizuo's off days, Shinra gladly invited him into his home, and they spent a good majority of the day together. It almost reminded him of their elementary school days, when things were so much simpler. After some time, he reasoned he didn't deserve Shizuo's company, for he had little to give in return. Despite that, Shizuo seemed pleased. His anxieties towards Izaya began to fade to the point that they could talk about him civilly. Perhaps it was that that made Shinra realize something had to be done. Hearing Shizuo talk about Izaya, his lifelong nemesis, without a hint of anger or distaste and with something of a smile set off light bulbs above his head.

_"Do you miss him?"_  Shizuo had asked.

_"Yeah,"_  Shinra replied, without hesitation.  _"I suppose I do."_

He truly was a fool.

At night he found himself remembering Izaya. He remembered chasing after him in hopes of befriending him, the senseless club meetings, the stabbing, all the times he tended to his wounds, all the times they sat in silent understanding.

He found himself remembering every time they kissed, every time he rejected his friend's feelings.

_"I dare you to kiss me."_

_"What?"_

_"I want to see what would happen. What would it take for you, someone with no interest in humanity whatsoever, to start to feel something? Could that feeling outweigh the love you have for this zombie of yours?"_

_"Alright, I'll play along with your little game."_

It wasn't a game for Izaya. He knew that, yet he continued to tempt him, because after all, they were nothing more than two teenagers with way too much time on their hands. Teenagers that didn't understand just what love was. In a way, both of them were still learning.

He had hurt one of the people closest to him, and it took him almost ten years to be able to care.

He had missed Celty horribly until that point, but in that moment, he missed Izaya more than anything. He missed the person he was almost positive he would never see again. For the time being, he would have Shizuo. He wasn't alone, he told himself. He wouldn't let himself be alone ever again.

Well, it was more of at times, he couldn't be alone, because certain somebodies wouldn't allow him to. A few days after his return home, none other than Shingen and Emilia burst through his front door with a word, because heaven forbid anyone in the Kishitani family have common courtesy for others. He could curse his parents all he wanted, but perhaps he had needed them most then. Shingen had never exactly been the most upstanding father, though that was to be expected of a man who forced his four-year old son to help him dissect a woman. Referring to Emilia as his mother was still a strange work in progress, but he could appreciate her presence. He supposed it was nice to rely on his family for once.

"Can I ask you something, Dad?"

It took every bit of his pride to ask that. The way Shingen beamed at him only made him regret his decision even more than he did before he even made it.

"What's this? You actually care about what your dear father has to say?"

Shinra shot him a look that shut him up, briefly, and he took in a deep breath before asking, "How did you feel when my mother left?"

As he asked this, a strange feeling overtook him. Kinomiya Kaname and her absence in Shinra's life were subjects light was rarely shed on. He knew next to nothing about his mother; the only glimpses he had ever really had of her were in the similarities he and Kazane shared. Shingen never talked about her, and Shinra had never bothered to ask, even as an inquisitive child.

When Shingen didn't reply, any hint of emotion hidden by the gas mask he so faithfully wore, Shinra continued. "You loved her, didn't you?"

Shingen hesitated, and upon noticing this, Emilia slid her hand over his, facing him with a warm smile. Shinra had figured the conversation would be strained, even more so than it already was, with her in the room, but in that moment he couldn't have been more thankful for her. In a way, that image of Emilia reaching out to Shingen, silently showing her support through a simple touch, reminded him all too much of him and Celty.

"I did," Shingen finally said, his voice uncharacteristically quiet. "It was rough, raising you without her. It was rough just being without her."

Despite the seriousness of it all, Shinra couldn't help but roll his eyes somewhere in the back of his mind, thinking back to all of the dissections he did as a child. He knew he couldn't judge, though. The apple didn't fall far from the tree.

"But it was for the best," Shingen added with a thoughtful glance towards Emilia.

"What do you mean?" Shinra asked. "Did something happen?"

Shingen shook his head. "It just didn't work out for us."

"You're not going to tell me to move on from Celty, are you?" He couldn't help but laugh in spite of it all.

"As much as I disagree with your marriage, I do want you to keep her around."

Several thoughts graced Shinra's mind. One was,  _What, so you can dissect her again?_ Looking back _,_ another could have been,  _You officiated our wedding, Dad._ Fortunately, he was rather good at keeping his mouth shut. Sometimes. Instead, he simply raised his brows, telling Shingen all he needed to know.

"She was right, you know." Emilia speaking up caused him to flinch ever so slightly. "I think you needed this time apart, since you've never really had it before." Shingen nodded in agreement beside her.

It was strange, seeing the two of them be sensible. Well, he supposed it would be more accurate to say that it was strange to see  _Shingen_  be sensible - and completely serious, at that. He wasn't one to wonder about how this conversation would play out, when he finally asked his father about Kaname, but when he did wonder, he expected Shingen to laugh it off and skirt around the issue, as he typically did.

He had gained a considerable amount of respect for his father that day.

"It will all out work out for you," Shingen concluded, and Shinra wondered if he was smiling underneath that mask.

He knew he had to have been when he carried on. "Do you want us to stay with you for a while?"

"I'm not a child, Dad."

With a lighthearted chuckle, Shingen replied. "I'm only kidding."

Hesitantly, Shinra continued. "It would be nice to see you, though."

And so Shingen and Emilia had stayed, much to Shinra's dismay. One morning, when he passed by the guest room with its door open ever so slightly, revealing his parents in their matching pajamas and gas masks, a pile of tangled limbs as Emilia snored away, blissfully unaware of how she was invading on her husband's personal space, he couldn't help but smile to himself. He wasn't a child, but perhaps he still needed them in his life.

. . .

_"Hey, is Celty okay? I haven't heard from her at all."_

_"She's fine."_

Shizuo had apparently grown to be able to tell when he was lying. Perhaps it was something he had picked up from Celty.

Shizuo was what finally reunited the two of them. It hadn't been said outright, but he could tell by how Celty returned the day after Shizuo had questioned him about her, and how she greeted him with (mostly) open arms. Shizuo must have told her enough to know that slowly but surely, Shinra was changing.

Now, almost two years later, he could wake up with Celty in his arms. He could hold her close, kiss her, and feel her warmth, for their love was no longer twisted.

He had become increasingly aware of just how many people he drew to him despite how he had proclaimed that he only needed Celty. Of course, it was nothing more than a lie at this point, but he liked keeping appearances. The Christmas hot pot party was his awakening to this fact. As he looked around the room, he was met with a sea of faces that comforted him with their familiarity. He had realized how he had taken these faces for granted, and with that in mind, he couldn't have been more happy to recognize Izaya among them, even if he remained more of a wallflower when he wasn't attached at the hip with Shizuo. It was accepting that he had Izaya back in his life that allowed him to open his eyes and take in the people around him. Kyohei, Erika, Walker, Saburo, Anri, Mikado, Masaomi, Saki, Shingen, Emilia...

He didn't think he had ever realized just how many people he had in his life. It was such a strange thing to realize when you had been blinded for the majority of your life. Fortunately for Shinra, his rose-colored glasses had shattered, making everything crystal clear.

As he looked out amongst the small crowd, he found himself thinking of Kujiragi Kasane. Where was she now, he wondered? Had she found the love she had been looking for in someone other than him? Had she perhaps grown to love herself? He couldn't help but wonder about the fate of this strange woman. Being the hopeless romantic he was, he had it in his heart to believe that everyone was deserving of love.

After all, he was a villain who had fallen in love with the heroine of his twisted story, and for the first time, he had more love to give.

**Author's Note:**

> Surprise! Okay, so maybe I overreacted. I looked over this and, though I still think it could be better, I realized that it wasn't as bad as I had thought, so here we are. The style I want isn't the style that these stories I want to write need, so I guess I've grown to accept it.
> 
> I had a lot of fun writing this! Shinra has always been one of my favorites so I'm happy to finally have something focused on him. I hope I got all of my points across well enough; this does feel a little rushed in some places but I didn't want to drag it out. I know the conflict was incredibly rushed, but don't worry, I'll be addressing that later through Celty's POV. Obviously Shinra didn't just change overnight; almost three years have passed since that fight, and there's a lot to explore there. I feel like it would be better to see that growth through Celty's eyes. Sorry, I know I'm jumping back and forth between so many different things, but if I didn't I'd never get anything done, honestly.
> 
> I was going to put something out for Izaya's birthday on Friday, but I honestly lost inspiration on the particular fic. It needs a rework first, sorry Izaya. The next one shot, if I can stick to my schedule for once, will be about Anri! I haven't finished it yet, but if I had to give a release date, I'm guessing the 16th. If that changes, the new date will be in the series notes.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! See you next time!


End file.
